Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
