Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
