Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
