He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
