Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
