I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
