I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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