I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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