So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
