I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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