my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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