i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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