I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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