So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
