So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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