I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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