She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
