I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
