Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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