dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
