if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
