I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
