The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
