At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
