I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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