I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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