I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
