Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
