she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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