I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
