I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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