So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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