I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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