so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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