Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
