is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
