You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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