Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
