god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
