its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
