Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
