im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
