first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
