How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
