honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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