at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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