I wish my penis had an off switch
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
