I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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