So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
