He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
