I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
