i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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