we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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