woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
