You work out of a Hotel?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just high enough for therapy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
