Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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