is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
