roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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