Do you still have your period?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
