I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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