I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
