I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
