How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
