Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
