he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
