My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize