I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
